Maybe the most prominent is something that I already knew, but it really became clear this past year- bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to everyone, and it is never fair or right or just. Death will always come, never welcome, to the best of families and the best of people. Knowing and realizing that brings me to my next thought-
When something good happens, experience it in the moment. Try to be as present as possible and hold on to the feelings that surround you at that time. These happy memories are the ones that you will cling to when you're feeling down or sad and it's important to cherish them.
On that same note- don't sit and wait for something to happen to you, good or bad. Go out and seek it and try not to let your fears get in the way. After Alex died, my biggest fear was that someone else close to me was going to suddenly die as well. I would fret over the safety of everyone I loved at all times. I know that that doesn't sound like such a bad thing, but that fear took over me. I would worry so much when I didn't hear from someone and be reduced to tears and sobs over just the possibility that something had happened. I've only recently learned to control it, but there are still times when that familiar feeling of dread creeps on in and I have to talk myself out of calling everyone I know and making sure they are okay.
2013 has also taught me that grief is something that doesn't end. It doesn't change as the days/weeks/months/years go by- the person who is grieving, however, changes. It somehow becomes easier to wake up and live, to go on.
I hope that no matter what has happened to you this past year, you are able to take something out of it and learn and grow.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! xx
The feeling of fear that someone else I love will die is something I experience too. I often find myself wondering what would happen if a particular friend died or someone from my family. I even start thinking about how people would react if I died. Death was never something that cross my mind before, but now it's rare for me to not think about it.
ReplyDeleteLike you said, in someways this is a good thing. When we accept that nothing lasts forever and our time here is limited, it's comes more naturally to live in the moment and truly appreciate all that we have. However, it can paralyze us with fear if we become to fixated on that. The benefit is in the balance.
It feels that you have started to find more balance in 2013 and that makes me so happy for you. I wish for you to continue to find balance in 2013 and for that to bring you increased confidence and positivity.