Writer's Block

I've been experiencing some major writer's block recently and I think I've figured out why- I find it so much easier to write when I'm sad. When I'm sad, I write. It's always been so therapeutic for me, almost natural. It helps me manage all of my thoughts and drill down to the reasons behind the tears. So there's the "problem", I am not sad, at least not like I used to be. 

I keep thinking of myself and where I was a year ago, and I can remember it all so clearly but I'm not sure if I can entirely relate any more. The 21st of January would have been mine and Alex's three year anniversary, and last year the day held such a weight over me. This year it was nice just to remember Alex and to feel happy about the way we were while together. I didn't feel sorry for myself this year, I just felt nostalgic. 

Alex will always be a piece of my heart, and I feel like now it's just second nature to feel him there- I feel the familiarity of him and it makes me smile. It's almost as if I used to feel heavy with the memories and feelings, and now I feel light. He is, and always will be, a part of me- but now I feel like the pieces of me are coming back together again. 

I used to struggle with the "why me"'s and the "what if"'s a lot and it took me a long time to get past those thoughts and feelings- but I have. Something really terrible happened in my life, but it doesn't mean that my life is terrible. I have picked myself up, fallen back down and jumped up again. I have learned more about myself than I thought possible ... I know the darkest corners of my mind very well, but I also know the bright and happy centre. 

So writer's block, I've discovered, is not such a bad thing. I now recognize it as a sign of happiness.