Living After Loving

Living after loving - does anyone else go straight to Cher's "do you believe in life after love"? Alison, I know you do! (it's okay if you don't, we're a little strange.)

That one thought poses a hundred different questions/thoughts/feelings for me. I know that I have a different take on it; for me it's not about a breakup, it's about continuing to live with essentially unrequited love. There will never be any sort of "closure" (if there ever really is), there were no goodbyes, no sense of finality.Yet I still have to find a way to "live after loving" and I've found that it really is about the small things. I'm not able to see the bigger picture right now, and truthfully just the thought of that stresses me out, but that's okay! It's about getting up and going to work, or going to visit family and friends. It's about maybe not leaving the house, but enjoying a bubble bath and reading countless fashion magazines.

I find that a lot of times people are judged for "not really living" but how can anyone really define what "living" means? The first time after everything happened that I was able to eat an entire meal, I can't tell you the amount of people who praised me - and it felt odd then, but now looking back, it was a sign of me living again. When someone so close to you, someone you love with your entire being, dies - a part of you goes with them. So being able to eat an entire meal - man, was I living. (and now I'm back to eating my three - okay five- meals a day!)

I think that people misconstrue what really living is all about. It's not always about doing the biggest, bravest,  best most dangerous things. I used to be one of those people, until the smallest (and I mean smallest) tasks seemed so daunting and big to me. When people say to me, "let's really live!", I want to say "what do you think we're doing right now?" I know my point of view is a lot different but I think it's important to count the little things, and not take them for granted. 

So what does living after loving mean to me? It means writing this blog, it means becoming social again, accepting invitations for dinner parties, it means playing cards with my Nanny, it means waking up every morning and choosing to get up and trying to stay positive. It doesn't mean doing crazy things (although if someone wants to bungee jump with me, I'm down), it doesn't mean "getting over" Alex and our relationship, it doesn't mean taking down his pictures. 

Count your blessings friends, and take a moment to remember the little things! :]