What scares you?

Irrational fears - everyone (I think) has them but where do they come from? How can we overcome them?

My biggest irrational fear was always small boats next to bigger boats (I know, I know, it's weird), and I can pinpoint the moment when this fear crept into my life. I was about 11 years old and watching Titanic for the first time and there's a tiny sail boat next to the Titanic, and for whatever reason it made my knees weak and gave me a creepy-crawly feeling. When I was in Bermuda this past summer Alex and I were sailing on this tiny starter boat (a bit bigger than an opti!) and as we were leaving the island we had picnicked on, we found ourselves in the channel at the same time as a ferry. It was massive. It was right behind us. I cried. (I'm a baby, I know.) But I had Alex there with me - a skilled sailor - and he calmed me down, sailed us out of the way, and imagine, I was fine. I was scared for no reason. My fear was irrational. 

My latest fear is the 17th of any month, and the entire month of August. My heart races and my stomach flips when I think about August and it's nine months away. The 17th rolls around of each month and I spend the day anticipating something bad. I am actually afraid of an entire month and one particular day. This past August holds one of the happiest times in my life, and the darkest, saddest, most heart-wrenching time in my life. It was an all-time high and an all-time low. A dream vacation with the love of my life, and then the death of him (all within ten days). I am also scared of ever feeling that happy again because of how quickly everything changed.

The thing about all of that is I know it's irrational. Life doesn't work like that; just because everything happened that way doesn't mean anything like that will happen again. But knowing that doesn't make me any less scared.

Obviously that isn't healthy so I've been exploring different calming techniques and options. Whenever I feel my heart race, or my stomach ache in that particular way, I do some self-guided meditation. I take a few minutes out and I turn my attention inwards. It took me a while to believe in what I was doing, which I think is half the battle, but I find it really does help me. Very recently my friend directed me to a website (www.calm.com) and it actually takes you through either a two or ten minute guided meditation session. (Thank you Kylie!)

I think it's important to understand why you fear what you fear and to take the right steps in overcoming whatever it may be. I doubt that I will ever be okay with the 17th of August, but I'm sure that, in time, the 17th of any other month will be okay.