It's that time of year again - my absolute favorite time. Well, it used to be anyway. This year I'm having a lot of mixed emotions about the holidays; ranging from "Omg Christmas!/snow!/vacation!" to "...Christmas...yay...". I think I know I'm "supposed" to be excited, but I'm not sure if I'm actually feeling it. Just thinking of having to be cheery and smiley for so many different events is making me anxious. What if I'm having an off day? What if all I want to do is lay in bed and read old texts from Alex? How am I going to handle the expectations of this holiday season?
It's a weird feeling - this not-feeling-anything-for-Christmas feeling - I'm definitely not used to it. I've been playing Christmas music for longer than I'd care to admit; I've decorated a ton; I've started my lists and shopping, and still nothing. Well, I shouldn't say nothing. I feel sad, lonely, and if I'm being honest (which I usually am) guilty. I'm scared that I'm going to let down my friends / co-workers /
family this year - I don't want to be sad and have my sadness spill over
into their happiest time of the year.
I (clearly) don't have an answer for myself. But maybe that's because
there is no right answer. I think (I know) that everyone handles
situations differently. This is the first major holiday I've had to
face, and maybe it won't be so bad ... maybe it will be.
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